Absence of Fear

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On one of our last days in Iceland we went to the Volcano museum.  We thought we would learn about lava and magma.  What we got was a new world view that I’m trying to re-adopt this weekend.

The Volcano Museum is the back room of a cafe near Reykjavik’s harbor.  Our visit started with a brief explanation of the volcanic artifacts they had collected. Then we got a once-in-a-vacation chance to purchase lava dust (which I still can’t believe Thing1, as Southwestern Vermont’s foremost expert and advocate for the glorification of Eyjafjallajökull passed up).  The tour concluded with two thirty minute films.

This is what we learned from the films:

The continental divide between the Eurasian and North-American tectonic plates runs right through Iceland.  The plates are pulling apart, causing frequent eruptions of molten lava through crevices, volcanic explosions of ash and lava and earthquakes. 

Some of the eruptions have had catastrophic consequences for Europe and the rest of the planet. The 2010 eruption of Eyjafjallajökull, for example, shut down air traffic for weeks in Europe and prompted speculation that his neighbor, Katla might also blow.  And, she is not in the news much, Hekla, a.k.a the Gateway to Hell, erupted for 7 months in 1693, spewing ash all the way to Norway, choking streams and decimating fish populations in  the UK. She’s erupted at least once a century and is overdue by about 50 years.

And even though they are literally expecting the big one any day now, Icelanders don’t seem to be living in fear. Not one bit. 

Our tour guides talked about going to the heated swimming pools every morning, work, and grocery shopping.  They talked about getting their kids to school everyday and making plans.  

They are very well aware of their fiery neighbors, but they don’t live in fear of them because they’ve gotten to know them.  Icelanders have learned so much about volcanoes that there has been only one related death in the last century.  They have even learned how to harness for their domestic energy what most peoples would perceive to be a terrifyingly uncontrollable force of nature. In doing so, they seem to have starved the most crippling human force – fear.

I think few would deny that fear is fat and happy on our side of the Atlantic.  To be sure, there are real causes for concern. A shaky economy that has left too many people in the cold. Geopolitical and domestic divisions run deep through every demographic line we can imagine.  The reality, of course, is that these concerns are woven into the history of every country on earth, even the US.  Even Iceland. 

Recognizing these problems and really understanding them can inform our lives and spur us to find solutions that can make us stronger, or we can let them rule us, submitting to our own and others’ worst (and often unproductive) impulses.

FDR famously once wrote that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.  Seeing an entire country live everyday without fear of the very real, uncontrollable forces nearby led me to believe that even more important than rising over our fears, may be recognizing whether or not we are letting them consume us and cause us to mistake activity for courage and then consider if those fears deserve to continue to be fed. 

Getting’ Busy

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Saturday, after much deliberation and consultation, I decided to self publish my first illustrated book. Five days later, I have my first digital proof and am about to place an order for physical proof.

in the world of traditional publishing this journey could’ve taken another year or more, and while traditional publishing may still be in the future, there is a certain amount of exhilaration and taking the bull by the proverbial horns. So far he’s being pretty cooperative, but the game is young, and I have a feeling there’s a lot more to learn and do.

Just Keep Moving

imageLast night,  knowing it would not change the outcome, I swore I wouldn’t spend the evening refreshing the election pages.

I have not written about politics on this blog much because I believe internet politics divide, and I want my creative work to be a force for good. Web pages may be good soapboxes, but I’m of the firm belief that honest connection – political and emotional – is more likely found over a cup of tea, preferably accompanied by some kind of pastry. 

Both campaigns have done everything possible to degrade our sense of community.  But while I was unhappy with the results on a personal level, there are many people in my family – close and extended – who are scared.  They are scared to tell people, their last name when they book a hotel because they will seem less American than a Smith or Jones and not be able to get a room.  They are afraid that their family unit may be at risk because it looks different from the one on Father knows Best, and I know whatever fears I am be experiencing pale in comparison to those that others are experiencing.  

My art will never be in a museum, but it will always be about the common values of love and connection that we all need, regardless of the color of our skin or religion or orientation.  It is my way to reach out to those in fear this afternoon, rather than – as I am tempted to do – withdraw.  Today, like last night, the best coping strategy is to keep moving forward.

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Housekeeping

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This weekend has been about housekeeping – getting one book to the final stage and the next one from story to storyboard.
The edited version of A is for All-Nighter is finalized and ready for the final copy edit and proofing. I’m still looking for an agent but decided I wanted this book and The Truth about Trolls to escape my hard drive sooner rather that wait through a process that could take years.

So we did a little yard work and laundry, and I began prepping my first illustrated book for printing.

Taking full responsibility forgetting the book printed, marketed and distributed as a paperback and an e-book is daunting and a little bit scary, but it’s also a thrill. Secretly I think every independent author their hopes their project will go viral, but, right now, the more likely scenario of a few dozen sales to family and friends is more than satisfying enough to make it worthwhile.

A is for All-Nighter should be available online by the end of November.

Life is a Tin of Cookies

gingerbread

While we took Thing2 trick-or-treating with his friends last night, Thing1 and his girlfriend helped her mom make Halloween cookies.  I didn’t know Halloween cookies were a thing until Thing1 waltzed in with a tin filled with the fruits of their labor.

So, even though I’m still trying to figure out where the time went between when I was carrying Thing1 around in a snuggli and this latest snip of the apron strings, there was surprisingly little angst last night ( It didn’t hurt that he suggested starting Thanksgiving Cookie tradition this year).

After all, if your kid’s dating a girl whose parents are determined to find new occasions to make cookies, you know she comes from a family with good values.

Hand Puppets

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I met this week with mentor extraordinaire and best-selling author Jon Katz to work on editing and cleaning up my first full fledged book, “A is for All Nighter”. The fate of the book is in flux as we are still working to find an agent for it and for me. I’m finding the advice of a good mentor like Jon is invaluable as I weigh the options of immediate gratification through self publishing or delayed gratification by trying to find a publisher.

So “A is for All Nighter” continues on the next step of the journey, and a new friend came to find me last week. Her name is Élly.  That accent over the E means you pronounce her name “Yelly”.
she’s kind of a loud little troll, and we had a lot to talk about last week. You see, like most people, there’s a lot more to Élly than meets the eye.

The revelations from the presidential campaign that inadvertently focused the national conversation on latent misogyny and consent brought up unpleasant memories for many women I know and for me as well.  Some people are able to talk about those memories, but sometimes, candor carries too high a price. 

Secrecy also carries a high price, however.  In secrecy there is depression and retreat from the blessings in your life.  There is a constant mental rerun of the memories that encourage self-loathing, and, in my case I began to look in the mirror and see a horrible, ugly, little troll.

That’s when Élly showed up.  Apparently she’s been lurking in the inner world I began building when I was two. She’s been just waiting for the right time to set me straight with some truth about bad things that happen in life and about trolls, about whom there is also much misinformation (they live under bridges, they have bad tempers).

So, like a kid talking to a hand puppet in a psychiatrist’s office, I told her why I felt like a troll and she told me why that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She talked to me about her life and about the strength you find walking through the tears and emerging on the other side into a life you love. 

Élly was so helpful getting me back on track, that we decided to work on my next project together.  She even helped me find it by suggesting that we work to set the record straight about her kind.  Élly’s doing most of the writing, and I’ll be doing the illustrations, and we hope that in a few months we’ll have a kid-friendly book called The Truth About Trolls

So far she seems happy with the first portrait.

 

Post Peak

Peaking, Watercolor on canvas, 12x12, $70

Peaking, Watercolor on canvas, 12 x 12, $70

A wet and windy front moved through over the weekend, blowing tons of leaves off the trees. We’re post Peak now,  looking towards stick season, which is usually my favorite, but foliage season this year was especially long and glorious. I got this glimpse of the field near our house just before the front moved in  and wanted to paint it while the glow is still fresh in my mind.

 

 

 

 

Questions or to buy any of my work email me at rachel@rachelbarlow.com

 

 

Morning Pages

Circa 1 Hour, pencil and charcoal

T1 Day1, pencil and charcoal

Just as great authors have their morning pages, I’m trying a new routine of drawing exercises before or after I paint each morning to gain a better command of the fundamentals — my homemade art school as it were.  These are very well-laid plans – the best-laid plans, so I’m not taking any odds on what will happen to them.  But the first day was fun.

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Wild

 

I think what struck me so much about Iceland is not that it is untouched wilderness. It is a place where people have cut down trees and built their roads.  The Earth, however, will not always stay tamed.  She spits out ash to bury buildings and conspires with the wind to make some parts of herself too harsh to ever truly conquer. Continue reading

Taking Back Control

untitled, oil

untitled, oil

I had a few ideas for cartoons ready to go at the beginning of last weekend, but suddenly, I didn’t feel very funny. Scratch that. I felt funny strange, but not ha ha funny.

Like most Americans, last Friday I had heard the video tape of one of our presidential candidates bragging about his predilection for sexual predation. I’m guessing I am not the only woman who needed a shower after the second debate was over.

I say this because I know I am only one of countless women for whom this week’s discussions called forth memories of being on the receiving end of that kind of unwanted physical attraction. For me those memories temporarily jammed up my creative energy, and it was hard to get back to recklessly abandoning productivity-killing thoughts as I picked at my own mental wound. The week of news did nothing to improve my mood, and it took discipline to stop picking at the scab and return to the balm that always softens it. There would be no getting to reckless abandon this week, but I knew, as always, art would be my answer. .

I can’t make presidential predators see women as people, nor can I compel true candor from him or his opponent, but I can control whether or not I let my frustration with the system shutdown my own growth. All I can do is pick up a brush and focus, not on what degrades human experience, but what inspires it.

Unconquerable

 

Unconquerable

Humans cut down trees and build their roads, but Mother Earth will not always stay tamed. She spits out ash to bury buildings and conspired with the wind to make some parts of herself too harsh to ever truly conquer.

 

Watercolor on Canvas

8" x 10"

Currently Unframed

$75.00

For questions or to buy this painting email me at rachel @ rachelbarlow.com