Imposters

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Recently, I enrolled in an online cartoon course, hoping to get my cartoons to the next level. Even though people laughed at my  gags, I worried my watercolors and sketchy lines weren’t enough like the professional cartoons you see in the newspaper. In short, I worried they weren’t enough like everyone else’s and that I was just someone posing as a cartoonist. An imposter.
The first lesson requested three recent efforts. I sent in Kiterature, my answer to 50 shades of Grey, and, of course, a cartoon about dieting (I know, it’s low hanging fruit, but at least I’m reaching for fruit, right?).  I was pretty sure the instructor would point out how unprofessional my sketchy style is, confirming my fears.
I was already working on a new set of cartoons using magic markers, trying to make them look more like everyone else’s two weeks later when his response hit my inbox. I was more than a little nervous. This guy has had cartoons appear in the London Times, and I was prepared for him to tell me all the things that were wrong with mine.
To my surprise, after  his brief introduction, a good part of his response was complementary about the very parts of the cartoon that caused me the most doubt.  To be sure, he had suggestions for improving design and finding inspiration. He emphasized, however, not changing my style, but developing it. It made me realize that having the trepidation to call yourself a writer or an artist or a cartoonist — even lacking any actual credits — doesn’t make you an imposter. Changing your style to fit what you think the world wants does.
I’m still using the markers because they’re fun, but as we get closer to vacation the are watercolors out again because when I’m hunched over the paper dabbing my brush and my pans and shot glass of water (really it’s water), I’m home.  And it turns out that’s exactly where I should be.

They Might be Eagles

not a cartoon - buzzard

Last week on the way up the road towards home, I was lost in thought, telling myself for the umpteenth time that everything was fine, and the still unidentified mass in my breast had a logical non-hair losing explanation.

As I came up for crested the hill, I saw what looked like a large bird sitting on the split rail fence that surrounds the paddock of the horse farm on the road that leads to our house.  I got closer and realized there were seven or eight very large chickens. I assumed they were chickens even though I didn’t remember seeing anything at that farm all the other times I’ve driven up this road.

I got closer still and realized they were not chickens at all. Eagles I wondered?  We see a bald eagle around here from time to time. One of them teetered a bit ,and I realized they were buzzards. Their wings were unfurled to the sun, worshiping the light on a glorious summer morning.

I know birds can be omens sometimes – crows always give me the heebee-geebees – and I didn’t think buzzards were good one. And, back-lit as they were, I decided it was a sign of better mental health to pretend they were eagles.  In the end, they turned out to be a good omen  – buzzards or not.

Just the Thing

Thing2 was feeling a little forlorn last night as he realized the end of school is near. Don’t  get the wrong idea.  He’s not into homework or anything, he’s just a textbook extrovert.

He’s also been a little under the weather this week, so when I went in to kiss him goodnight, I decided lie down with him for a snuggle.

Eight is not six, and bedtime snuggles are rare these days.  It is not the drama it was a few years ago, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.  He sobbed a little as he worried about missing friends or who might move away over the summer, and I held him until he fell asleep.

Eight is not six, but it still seems small.  I tell myself that anyway because this is moving way too fast.

As he nodded off, he mumbled that he was sorry for keeping me.  He was asleep before I could tell him he wasn’t keeping me.  I was trying to keep this moment for as long as possible.